welcome to my little space in the universe that i can call home to my thoughts and hopes and ramblings.. i haven't been able to express myself like this for a LONG time.. gosh probably since myspace.. i used to love blogging.. so i don't know how often i'll do it, but i'll be sure to post it on facebook every time. and please excuse the run-on sentences and capitalization. my spelling isn't usually too bad though :D
let's see there are SO many things going through my mind tonight i don't even know where to begin.. i do know i haven't been getting the right amount of sleep lately so i should make this short and sweet. today, zach had his 2nd behind the wheel lesson. he said he drove 45mph. crazy! so proud of him. i teeter between being constantly worried about him to being proud of him all the time. i hope this year is better for him at school. last year was a tough year with everything that happened. he seems to be looking forward to school starting though :)
***warning, this is not a very happy part***
as of this week i'm newly single again.. it was mutual.. sad but what can you do. hopefully there is someone out there that is a better fit for me.. it was the most stable and safe relationship i've been in so far though. it kills me because that is so hard to find.. there are so many assholes out there. and it's not like i'm the youngest chicken in the barn.. i just hate putting myself out there to get hurt. i don't want to do it again. i'd rather be the cat lady. it's too scary. i need to learn how to let go of some of this hurt from the past. i'm still holding onto pain from the last ex that lived with me and left. and even the one before that.. just that i spent so much time focusing my energy on him and i ended up with nothing in return. im so bitter.. i guess i was hoping eventually it would all work out and i would be happy someday. i would find a husband and get a bigger house and maybe have another kid or two and then work part time doing hair.. but no.. i work my ass off.. buy my own house. it's just me and zach and my cats.. none of my relationships work out.. and my mom dies. karma? am i doing something wrong? bad timing? yeah there's the bitter again.
ok, time for bed. i really am an optimistic person. going to concentrate on me and zach for awhile. my health problems are for a whole other blog. but i'm feeling a lot better so that is good!! excited to see some friends tomorrow night.
ni ni peeps.
2 comments:
You forgot the good part of the day where you ran into me & I had fresh "organic" veggies for you. Sorry to hear things didn't work out. You still are young. Jamie didn't start dating me until he was almost 38. SHHHH don't tell him I told you how old he was.
Georgia - you are one of the kindest hearts I know. Hang in there - maybe God's plan for you was to be there for Zak, and then move forward with a new relationship. You are amazing, and you need to just start believing it.
Post a Comment